"Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?"

When you think of the history of the Gladiator movie, you may think of classics like "Ben Hur" or even the recent "Gladiator," each of which won an Academy Award for Best Picture. Brilliantly acted and directed, these films were true works of art. Of course, you may also think of other Roman-epics that didn't fare so well, such as "Hercules" and "Clash of the Titans." These films, while mocked and fun, will not be remembered and revered as time goes on, yet have a campy B-movie quality to them that still makes them fun to watch. Still, all of these films have one common thread running through them: beefcakes in loincloths. As Warner Brother's releases its latest epic Gladiator battle "Troy," with Brad Pitt in full beefcake-mode, it's amazing how "middle-of-the-road" the film lies.

The story is "inspired" by Homer's Iliad, so take it for what it's worth, but it basically tells the story of how Paris, Prince of Troy (Orlando Bloom) and Queen Helen of Sparta became lovers and how, when they returned together to Troy, King Menaleaus of Sparta comes after his wife with the full backing and force of King Agamemnon and his Grecian Army of 50,000 strong. Achilles (Pitt) fights for Agamemnon, but not because he is his king, but rather because he wants his name to be remembered for the ages as the greatest fighter who ever lived. Achilles has no weaknesses, until he falls in love, which ends up being his downfall.

As the battle becomes more for the city of Troy as opposed to the return of Helen, the battles become more intense and lots of sword fighting is assured. Pitt is perfectly cast as Achilles, with his body sculpted and dripping with sweat, he fights with fierceness and agility, hacking his way through enemies with ease. His blonde locks and facial expressions are cut out of the same marble as Roman statues, and I'm sure the ladies will like his skimpy loincloth. However, when not in "killer-mode," Achilles' dialogue and speeches are rather bland and uninspiring (save for one). While we understand that he fights because "that's who he is," is there any other emotional attachment to the character? Unfortunately, no, and he's best served slicing-and-dicing with his sword.

The other stars of the film fare the same, with Bloom's Paris a spoiled Prince who, because of his own desires, started the war with Sparta. Although he tries to resolve the situation by proving his bravery by dueling King Menaleaus, he ends up being a coward, and a rather dislikable figure for his people to be fighting for. His brother, Prince Hector (Eric Bana, also in loincloth-beefcake mode), is the leader of the Troy Army and defends his brother to the end, but his impassioned speeches are rather flat and lost. If anyone saves the film, it's Peter O'Toole as King Priam of Troy, Paris' and Hector's father. While pleading to Achilies in a pivotal scene of the film, O'Toole chalks up yet another exemplary scene with emotional depth and feeling, the only time we have any type of emotional connection with any of these heroic figures.

The battle scenes are done fairly well, and there are plenty of them, but the confrontations centering on Achilles are the most fun to watch. Pitt embodies the warrior, and his scene with O'Toole is his only saving grace of his dialogue. Otherwise, the film falls in between being a great epic and a star-studded Clash of the Grecians. If they only could have gotten Harry Hamlin in a role...well, Eric Bana is close enough.